Old Lover, Office & Flatmates Massacre

It's been a shit week.

It all started in the weekend when I met him for lunch and then it all went downhill from there. I don't know what it was, I didn't have good vibes from him for the past week. I'm hoping it was his work related stress and not because he didn't want to see me. I pushed slightly on the subject on he slots me in again for being his last stop before going home and his "last minuteness" – again, I'm being the "tag on". It's not going to change is it? Seriously, why do I even bother? I'm contemplating on ending the friendship again.

At work, I had to deal with demanding annoying clients (aren't they always the case?), it was too busy, work has called in extra help to ease my work load. I've been so overwhelmed with my own thoughts, I couldn't be creative, I just wanted to do my brain-dead artworking tasks without dealing with other people. On top of all, my colleague decided to listen to HEART FM ALL WEEK!!! I decided to be anti-social and wore my headphones to listen to my normal LBC talk radio. Ugh!

The night of the office massacre climax, Nat broke my port glass. I've only used them once. A pair, now just one left. I've lost it. I admit that I took it out on her a bit, I shouted at her, I completely lost my cool. "It's not my fault." Then who's is it? So it's MY fault that I like buying nice things for my flatmates to break? Money wasn't the issue here, the items were irreplaceable anyway, it's the fact that she's NEVER made any attempt to replace the things she's broke of mine. It's a matter of principle.

I met up with an old lover last night, he was in town on tour. I showed up to the venue unannounced, he was surprised to see me as he didn't know I was still living in London. He's still fat, he aged a bit, still crazy, still my monkey yet still married. We went for dinner at a Vietnamese place in Camden (surprisingly good and decently priced). He thought I looked fit. We reminisced our past meetings and such, he told me he's a lot different now. I questioned if he's more domestic, and if any kids are on the way. He choked. He asked if I have a boyfriend. He couldn't see any reason why I'm still single. Post dinner, he had things to do before the show, so I let him be. The show was great, high energy and the venue was packed, the crowd was rough but they were into it. We made plans to meet up afterwards as he planned to party out but my friend and I couldn't wait around. Waiting around is lame enough, it was a bit cold, I was still feeling shitty and had to work the next day. I was rude and left without saying goodbye.

Had the mistake of coming home instead of going to Oxford to see him again. I was still feeling foul and couldn't be bothered dragging myself all the way up to Oxford to wait around again, so I thought perhaps to treat myself with some retail therapy and a nice dinner – a big fat steak with frîtes and aöli followed by Gü chocolate pod. Yum. I was hoping to be alone, but the other flatmate was home, so I went out for a run instead. As I came back and started to prepare dinner, she confronted me about the other night about the port glass. She addressed that what I said to Nat was inappropriate. I said it wasn't her first time breaking my things and not attempting to replace them. She said it was no one's fault, she just opened the door, and said it could have been her own fault as she pushed the other cups to the side. Fine, it's no one's fault but mine because I bought the glass and no matter how you calculate, I'm still at loss here (Eckhart Tolle wouldn't be pleased – I'm re-reading A New Earth again, I just read the chapter on possession and ego... aghhhhh). She also said that I have no right to make Nat feel uncomfortable in her own home, as if they have the right to break my things and making me uncomfortable in my own home too. She has spoiled my appetite. I stormed up to my room and cried and cried and cried...

I hate living with people, I've never lived with other people before until I've moved to London. I know I'm quite uptight about having things a certain way, I like buying nice things and kitchen gadgets and my absolute hatred of mould. I can't wait to buy my own place, hopefully I can do so by the end of the year.

I'm hungry, I want my steak.