Mixed Bags...

It's been a month since i've been back from England. I know some of you are waiting for me to blog my trip. I don't know how to blog it, first of all, there's the written bit here (I stopped writing in my journal since Cambridge) and the 470 photos on the photoblog, i honestly don't know where to start. I'm still not sure what to make from the trip, part of me sort of regret going. Don't get me wrong, i love the city and i met some great new friends.. I dunno. Also, i think i'll miss it too much to think about it, both, the good and the bad.

I've also reached another crossroad in my life and i don't know which direction i should be heading. I've been having a difficult time adjusting since being back. I want to quit my job everyday but the irony is that two weeks ago i had a confrontation with my boss. He told me that Bryson has left Sears Travel. My boss reckons that it'll be smart for me to start putting my porfolio together since we're not sure if we'll be able to keep the account. Now that the table has turned, to face another possible layoff only that this one i'll get no compansation on nor could claim UI since i'm technically "self-employed" according to the government. I've been meaning to quit for ages. I suppose it's another sign encouraging me further to relocate to England in Autumn.

Even though all the stars and facts are telling me to go to England but I'm still having my doubt: mainly that I'm afraid of not having my sister around, she is my only family left. A guy i really like from there broke my heart (I actually like him more than I expected even though I already knew the outcome), and it'll hurt me a great deal for me to see him getting back together with his ex, or even just to hang out. No dice there. He is one factor i don't want to go anymore. I met a guy recently at a show, his name was Jacques, he was quite flirty and he's from LA. I'm not looking for a fling (though it seems like a good idea) but i realized that my heart is still occupied with him and i'm not ready to move on. Part of me just don't want to give up, especially after all the things i've done, at least i've tried (right?), but it still sucks that my efforts were meaningless. I'm not good enough.

I've been socially awkward, i'm still having problems with some friends. i've also been getting too emotional and personal again so i'm leaving Shittepost.

In fact, I'm shutting down from everything...