Life: All Too Familiar!

It was difficult time for me to pull myself together two months ago. With encouragement from my friends, I've decided to stay and give London a go. Things were looking positive for a while, made some great new friends, Great Escape experience was excellent, a budding romance but it seems I'm back to square one again. Still struggling to find a job, and the littlest excitement i've had has gone down the drain as well...

I really thought things will finally start to look up again last week. After sending 90 job applications, I finally had an interview last Thursday, not only that, it was also the position I wanted the most. It was with an international PR/Marketing company called Octagon. The interview went pretty well, i was there for almost an hour. The girl at the interview shared the same background as me as she was on Holidaymaker initially from Australia. We had similar design background as well, hopefully she'll emphasised with me. I should hear back from them this week if i made the 2nd cut or not. Fingers crossed.

Been casually seeing someone as well, i was hesitant at first but thought to give it a chance. He's honest (too honest?) and he makes me laugh. I enjoyed spending time with him very much even though we don't see each other too often. I was very excited about it, even though we're nothing serious I've started to grown to know and care for him. Thought things were going well as we had discussed a week before but it took an unexpected turn this weekend. Ironically we went to the same places we've started on our one month. Okay, so it's not a very long time but it is for relationship phobes. I haven't been in any for a very, very, very long time even though i've dated people in between. I was fine with us being casual.. i didn't think we were rushing into anything nor have i forced us to be in a relationship, he just wanted us to be "friends" for now, so i dunno. I just dealt with the ordeal of the whole "just friends" bullshite for the past 2 years with another guy. One minute we're "just friends" the next we're "more than friends" to being "not friends". I'm not a light switch, i can't just flick my feelings back and forth, it's totally mind fucking! I really hate being dick around like that and the other guy was never honest with me. It's these fuckers that made me relationship phobe!

To be honest, i didn't expected to be this upset about it, but if i haven't any feelings for him, i wouldn't be upset right now would i? I'm not sure where we'll go from here... we're both not ready to take the next steps but can we go backwards? he said he doesn't want to add more complication to my life right now, having said that but being this upset doesn't do any good to it neither. I'm not sure what to do really...

Contemplating of going to Tack!Tack!Tack! tonight, a friend isn't feeling well so she backed out... but I'm not sure if i want to be home alone at this point, I'll just be crying my eyes out...

I'm going to be bad, i'm going downstairs and buy some Fanta..